


Job Offer

by annagarny



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-06
Updated: 2012-03-22
Packaged: 2017-10-30 17:06:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/334067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annagarny/pseuds/annagarny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson noticed Darcy Lewis' efficiency as a personal assistant while watching her take care of Jane Foster's every need as the scientist tried to get her Norse God of a boyfriend back from his own world in one piece.</p><p>Once she succeeded, Darcy found herself at a loose end, until she was putting her laptop into her messenger bag and found a business card crumpled up in the bottom of it, Phil Coulson's neat, round handwriting printed on the back of it.</p><p>"Call me if you find yourself unemployed and in Manhattan."</p><p>Darcy decided, instead, to send him a text.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet and Greet

"You sent me a text." Phil Coulson said, and Darcy almost fell out of her chair.

Seriously, the guy was a ninja. She had been sitting in a Starbucks in Manhattan on a Thursday afternoon, nursing a double-shot vanilla latte and considering the screen of her two-year-old not-so-smartphone, wondering how long she should give the SHIELD agent to reply, when he had appeared at her elbow.

"Yes, yes I did." She told him, recovering rather well considering that she had hot coffee on her wrist.  
"Here." Phil had plucked a handkerchief out of his pocket and, before Darcy could object, had pressed it to her arm and mopped up most of her spilled coffee with it.  
"Thanks."  
"May I join you?" he asked, indicating the empty seat opposite Darcy with a tilt of his head and she nodded her assent.

She looked at him over the edge of her cup, trying to hide a smile as he wadded the handkerchief up and dropped it onto the table after staring at it for a few seconds, considering what to do with it.

"Sorry about that." Darcy told him, but he just waved a hand at her.  
"Happens all the time, my... a friend of mine is clumsy as all hell."  
Darcy ignored the slip, filing it away in the ever-expanding collection of small things she knew about Phil.  
"So, you need an assistant?"  
"I need someone who isn't afraid of a challenge, who doesn't bat an eyelid at some of the things that I encounter through SHIELD and who is willing to get her hands dirty. You tasered the God of Thunder then you stole one of Barton's cans of Rockstar and he didn't kill you on the spot. If you can work a computer and drive a car, you're hired."  
"Sixty words per minute and I've had my license ten years. When do I start?"  
"Do you own a suit?"  
"It's not black."  
"Neither is this one." He gestured at himself and Darcy took a closer look - indeed, the suit wasn't black. It was a very deep navy blue with grey pinstripes, and his shirt, which at first looked white, was in fact pale blue, and his tie had a raised dark-grey geometric pattern woven into it that caught the light at the knot.  
"Huh. So much for the men-in-black routine."  
"I like to subvert stereotypes." Agent Coulson told her, and Darcy was certain that she heard a hint of smugness in his tone.  
"Do I have to wear high heels?"  
"Not if you can't run in them."  
"Okay, flats it is. Anything else?"  
"Are you free this afternoon?"  
"Uh, yeah. I just had lunch with Jane, so I'm free for the rest of the day."  
"Good. Grab your purse, you can start now.."

It was a credit to Darcy's disposition that her only response was to drain her coffee and get to her feet as Phil shot another glance at his now-sodden handkerchief and shook his head slightly, apparently writing it off as a loss.  
"Give it here." Darcy told him as he got out of his own seat.  
"What?"  
"I'm your assistant. I assume that includes handling your laundry and dry cleaning?"  
"Uh-"  
"Damn, Phil, for a smart guy..." she reached into her purse and pulled out a small plastic bag that was currently holding a silk scarf she'd bought on a whim. She pulled the scarf out and tied it around her throat, dropped the handkerchief into the bag and tied the handles together, depositing it back into her purse with a roll of her eyes.  
"What else will I need to carry in here, working with you?"  
"Do you still have your taser?"  
"Of course."  
"That's a good start."

 

They left the cafe, and Darcy was glad she'd worn a relatively respectable outfit today - a red button-down with a black camisole under it, black skinny jeans and her mid-calf black boots, with a grey blazer-style jacket (her 'suit' jacket, actually) over it. She hiked her purse up onto her shoulder and shadowed Phil, sliding her cell phone back into her jeans.  
"We'll get you an upgrade on that, today, too. Stark has been customising a batch of new Androids and you'll need a secure line for us to contact you on - a kindergartener could hack into that thing."  
"Hey, I like this phone!"  
"It's a dinosaur. Here, this is what you'll be getting." He pulled a sleek black device out of his inside jacket pocket and handed it to her, extracting a set of car keys from his pants pocket with the other hand.  
"Oh, okay. This I can handle. Nice car!" she looked up as he hit the central locking, making the indicators flash.  
"Thanks. I might even let you drive it one day." He was ahead of her, and opened the passenger door in such an automatic motion that Darcy's suspicions deepened. He was used to having a second person with him, and used to being a gentleman.  
"Thank-you, Phil." she smiled at him and was rewarded with a slight quirk of his lips as she stepped into the Acura, sliding her purse behind her knees and leaning back into the plush leather of the seat.

"Oh, I could get used to this." she commented as he slid into the drivers seat. She handed him back his phone and continued. "I swear, I will never be able to properly mavigate the subway and cabs are way too expensive."  
"You know, you could take Mr Stark up on his offer."  
"How did you know-"  
He just raised one eyebrow at her as he started the engine and Darcy desisted.  
"I guess I could think about it, I mean, living with my aunt is kind of lame, especially because she lives way out in Queens..."  
"Exactly. If you move into the house then I can give you a ride to work. At least you'd never be late."  
"Hang on, you live at the Avenger Mansion?"  
"I was assigned to the house as part of the security detail, Mr Stark was kind enough to assign me a bedroom in the personnel wing." Coulson told her, pulling out into the traffic that was crawling along Central Park West and heading towards the Stark Tower, where SHIELD had procured five floors for their New York base of operations.  
"Oh, okay. Well, I guess... I mean, he did offer, when Jane and Thor moved in he said he had a room available for me."  
"You can call him when we get to the office and let him know that you're taking him up on it. Then you can speak to HR and we can get your security clearance increased, you're going to need higher than level three if you're going to be my assistant."  
"What do you mean, level three? I have a security clearance? Why the hell wasn't I told about it?"  
"It was increased after the events in New Mexico, so that you could continue to be involved in SHIELD-approved activities with Dr Foster."  
"Oh."  
"You'll need at least level five just to get into my office, possibly six if you're going to manage my schedule."  
"Okay. Should I be taking notes?"  
"No, it's better if you don't write anything down, you'll just have to incinerate most of it. Also, most of the security is biometric, anyway, since Stark upgraded it we don't need to remember passwords quite as much."  
"I like the sound of that."

The fell silent as the Acura crawled up the avenue, and Stark Tower came into view two blocks ahead, just as Darcy's phone rang. She straightened her legs in a hurry to dig it out of her jeans - she'd forgotten that her ring-tone was AC/DC and didn't know how appreciative Agent Coulson would be of that.  
"Good taste in music helps, too." He told her, and she was distracted from the display for a moment before she registered that he was giving her a compliment, swiping the screen to answer the call without actually seeing who was calling her.  
"Did Coulson find you?"  
"Speak of the devil and he shall appear." Coulson commented, apparently able to discern Tony Stark's voice from across the car and through a tinny cell-phone speaker.  
"Hi, Mr Stark. Yes, he found me, we're heading back to the Tower, now."  
"Great. See you in five." The line went dead and Darcy held the phone out, indignant.  
"He hung up on me."  
"He does that." And again, his mouth twitched just slightly.  
"Yeah, I guess." She stretched again and went to put her phone back in her jeans but Agent Coulson spoke again.  
"Keep it in your jacket, inside pocket. Harder for someone to steal and easier to get to in an emergency."  
"Oh, okay. Sure."  
"And if you get your jacket cut right, an inexperienced searcher might even miss it on a pat-down, especially with your bra-" He stopped mid-sentence and Darcy bit her lip to stop herself laughing while the tips of Phil's ears went red.  
"It's okay, Agent Coulson, I'm not going to put you up on sexual harassment charges, I know I have a great rack. You can comment on it."  
"Sorry, I wasn't thinking-"  
"It really is okay, I promise. I've had much creepier guys say much worse, plus, you know I have a taser on me."

He glanced at her and she smiled, trying to reassure him, but he remained silent until they had parked in the sub-basement (Darcy was a little surprised to see that Phil had an assigned, reserved parking space just one level down and only two rows from the elevator) and made their way to the 75th floor, SHIELD's reception area in the Stark Tower.


	2. Human Resources?

"So, where do I have to go?" Darcy asked, breaking the somewhat-strained silence that had been hanging between them since the parking garage as they stepped out of the elevator and into a small, white reception area that appeared deserted.  
"I'll take you, come through. I'll have to stay with you, anyway, unless we can find Stark and get your clearance level upped straight away."  
"Why would Tony be the one to upgrade-" Darcy was cut off mid-question as Agent Coulson pressed his thumb to a reader and the door behind the empty desk slid open, revealing a simply huge open space, punctuated with concrete support beams and swarming with people.

Phil stepped aside and Darcy went in, but didn't get further than two steps when a familiar voice boomed at her from somewhere to the left.  
"Darcy! Stark told me that you would be arriving! It is a pleasure to see you!"  
"Thor? Hey!" Darcy turned to greet him and was swept up in a rib-crushing hug before she could object. It was true, what Tony had told her, until you'd been hugged by Thor, you really hadn't been hugged properly. He lifted her clear off the ground and spun her around as if it had been decades since they'd seen each other, not three days. After a few seconds, and a pointed cough from Coulson, Thor lowered her to the ground.  
"I understand that you will be providing assistance to Agent Coulson?"  
"Yes, I will."  
"He has assured me that you will also be taking residence in the house?"  
"Oh, that..."  
"Yes, she will." Tony had appeared, and suddenly there was a small crowd watching them, stalled outside the elevator door. Thor still had one hand on Darcy's shoulder where she stood between him and Agent Coulson, but she couldn't move because Tony Stark was right in front of her.  
"I guess I don't have much of a choice, peer-pressure and all that." She deadpanned, fighting a serious urge to roll her eyes.  
"Good. I'll have your things collected from Queens and you'll be in the room next to Barton's tonight. Don't keep her here too late, Coulson, you know the drill when we have a new addition."  
"Home by six PM, yeah, yeah. We need to get to HR."  
"No, you don't. JARVIS is taking care of all of that, and we're getting Darcy's desk set up outside your new office right now."  
"Then we need to-" Tony cut him off before Phil could come up with another task.  
"Get down to the range."  
"What?"  
"Barton's waiting for you."  
Darcy's eyes flicked back and forth between Tony and Phil as they spoke, and she was certain that she caught a slight narrowing of Phil's eyes at the second mention of Clint Barton in less than fifteen seconds.  
"Why is Cl- Barton waiting for us at the range?" Again, Darcy noted the slip.  
"Well, Darcy's going to need to know how to use more than just a taser if she's going to work for SHIELD." Tony told them, his mouth quirking in an approximation of a smile  
"Has Director Fury-"  
"Nick knows all about it, Phil. Trust me."  
"Last time I listened when you told me to trust you, Mr Stark, I woke up two days later, in Tijuana, with no pants." Phil told him, his voice never wavering from completely calm and collected. He could have been talking about wallpaper patterns for all the emotion he showed.  
"And? That was a great weekend!"  
"It was a Tuesday, and forgive me if I don't take your word for it that Director Fury has authorised my personal assistant to carry a sidearm." Agent Coulson pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and Tony sighed, rolling his eyes at Darcy before speaking again.  
"Fine! Fine, Fury didn't authorise it. But there really isn't much else for you to do up here, like I said, JARVIS is taking care of Darcy's paperwork, all she'll have to do is sign a few papers and put her prints onto the system, but she can do that at the house, tonight."

Phil didn't lower his phone, just turned slightly away as the call was answered. Tony seized his opportunity and clapped a hand on Darcy's shoulder, grinning at her.  
"So, you've finally decided to move into my house?"  
"Ph- Agent Coulson said that it would make life easier, besides, I miss Jane. So, yes, I will be moving into your house."  
"Excellent! We shall have a feast to celebrate!" Thor boomed, grinning down at the pair of them. "I shall return home and begin the preparations!" He went to the elevator bank and pressed a button, shot them another grin as the doors opened immediately and got in.  
"How has he been going, navigating by himself?" Darcy asked Tony, remembering what Jane had told her about Thor trying to buy a horse at the pet store.  
"I got him a motorcycle after he stole one of the police horses. Took to it like a duck to water and wants to take one out to New Mexico so he can ride through the desert with the wind in his hair."  
"He tried to steal a police horse?"  
"Didn't try, succeeded. Got five blocks before they realised it was missing and I had to pay a fine when the NYPD found the thing grazing in my courtyard." Tony groused, but he was smiling, and Darcy got the impression that he really didn't mind some of the no-doubt crazy things that were happening at his house now that it contained so many strange and wonderful people.  
"How big a fine?"  
"Nothing major - I pledged full funding for the equestrian unit for the next decade."  
"That was nice of you."  
"It was a nice horse, didn't even bite me."  
"Horses usually bite you?"  
"Most of the time, horrible things. Dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle, if you ask me."  
Darcy laughed at that - she'd never been into horses, either, and Tony's description was rather apt. Tony was laughing with her when Agent Coulson returned from his phone call, face as impassive as ever.  
"Director Fury wants us to go down to the shooting range and meet up with Barton, apparently you're getting small arms training."  
"Told you."  
"Shut up - Darcy has a taser and I'm not afraid to use it."  
"Yeah, yeah. Come on, Darcy." Tony dropped a hand to the small of her back and began to turn her towards the elevators before he seemed to remember something. "Oh! That reminds me. JARVIS?"  
A disembodied voice, coming from somewhere above them, responded in a dry British accent, sounding almost bored.  
"Yes, sir?"  
"Is Miss Lewis' phone ready, yet?"  
"Just putting the final touches on it, now, sir."  
"Good, let me know when it's ready and deliver it to the shooting range, once Barton's shown her how to fire a weapon I can teach her how to use her new toy."  
"Of course, sir."  
"Thanks, now, let's get you a sidearm."  
"Mr Stark, you really don't have to accompany us to the range-" Agent Coulson started, but Tony cut him off.  
"I want to. I've been up here signing papers and sitting in boring meetings all day, this is the first time I've managed to give Pepper the slip and I want to make the most of it. To the basement!" he shouted as they got into the elevator, putting his thumb on the control pad and selecting the lowest level on the panel.


	3. Back in New Mexico

Darcy got the distinct impression, as the elevator descended the tower, that Agent Coulson was less than happy about Tony Stark giving him orders of any description. The comment about the taser was amusing, but there was clearly a layer of tension between Phil and Tony that went beyond a personality clash.

"So, Director Fury actually wants me given small-arms training?" she asked, hoping that she could diffuse whatever the tension was, somewhat.  
"That, and close-quarters combat training. Your taser is all well and good, Darcy, but you need to know how to disarm someone if they attack you." Tony told her, grinning.  
"I took self-defence classes back when I was a freshman - the gist of it seemed to be 'kick them hard then run like hell', if I remember right."  
"That sounds about right - except there's a third step when you're with SHIELD." Phil put in, and she turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised.  
"Third step?"  
"Call for backup." His mouth quirked in a brief grin as he said that and, behind Darcy, Tony gasped.  
"Did you just _smile_ Phil?" he asked, pressing one hand to his Arc reactor and pretending to stumble backwards, leaning against the wall of the elevator for support.  
"I do smile on occasion, Mr Stark." Phil told him, his expression betraying nothing of his levity just moments earlier.  
"I've never seen any evidence of it. Darcy, it's official, you're my hero. You made Phil Coulson smile - we're keeping you."  
"Glad to hear that my many talents won't go to waste."  
"Working here? Never!" The elevator made a low 'ding' noise and JARVIS spoke to them.  
"Mr Barton is waiting for you on the main range, and Miss Lewis' phone is ready. Would you like it delivered to the range?"  
"Send it to the training room." Tony told the AI, gesturing for Darcy to leave the elevator ahead of him.

Darcy had met Agent Barton before, back in New Mexico. After the 'incident' with Thor falling out of the sky and the ten-foot robot destroying half the town, he'd been assigned to the security detail watching the place while Jane and Erik got all the equipment re-organised. He'd stayed on-site with the rest of the team for almost a month, until both he and Coulson were recalled to New York by Director Fury. 

She'd hung out with Clint quite a bit, actually. They both felt a little superfluous to their respective teams - she was a Poli-Sci major who was helping an astrophysicist try and rebuild an Einstein-Rosen Bridge to another part of the universe and the only reason she was even there in the first place was so that she could get the six science credits she needed for her degree. He was an expert marksman, a sniper by trade, who had been specially requested by Agent Coulson as part of the security detail at the compound that had been built around Mjolnir. Now that Mjolnir was back on Asgard and with its' rightful owner, the compound had been decommissioned and Clint was at a loose end, he wasn't a security guard, or a scientist.

They met each other on the roof of the gas station - Darcy had gone up there to escape the science-babble and had found Clint hanging off the edge upside-down, only his boots and shins visible when she popped her head up through the trapdoor.

"What the hell are you doing?" She demanded, stomping over to him, a little alarmed to see him hanging into empty space like some kind of oversized bat. She stopped about two paces away from him and addressed his feet.  
"Using the windows of that building to watch what's happening downstairs. Why?" his voice floated up over the edge of the roof, carried by the light breeze coming off the New Mexico desert.  
"You're upside down. Thirty feet in the air, and you're hanging on by the leg of a lawn chair."  
"So?"  
"So, if I kicked said lawn chair you'd fall to the pavement."  
"Care to test that theory?" He'd asked, and although she still couldn't see his face she got the impression that he was laughing at her.  
"No! I'm not going to explain to Agent Coulson that I killed one of his agents!"  
"How do you know I'm with SHEILD?" he'd asked, still upside-down.  
"Because you've got their logo on the side of your boots. And I've seen you hanging around."  
"Huh."  
"Get up here, please? It's weird talking to someone's knees."  
"Fine, fine." he took a deep breath and reached up, grabbing the edge of the roof and pulling himself upright in one fluid motion. "Happy, now?" he asked, blinking rapidly as the blood rushed out of his head, leaving his face blotchy-red. He'd really been up there for too long before Darcy had interrupted him, but he was slowly going crazy with boredom, stuck in the middle of the desert watching a bunch of scientists argue over what had been, until recently, only theoretical physics.  
"Yes, yes I am. Darcy Lewis." She held out a hand to shake his, figuring that she should at least introduce herself to the guy.  
"Clint Barton." They shook hands and he was pleasantly surprised by the strength of her grip; most women he met shook hands like wet fish.  
"So, why are you out here? Part of the security team, I guess?" Darcy asked, sitting down next to him on the ledge, crossing her legs at the ankles and leaning back on the railing that Clint was resting his chin on.  
"Something like that."  
"Bored, yet?"  
"Oh, you have no idea. I don't even know why Coulson requested me for this one - the only time he's even used me was when the big guy stormed the compound and even then all I did was watch him tear through half of the security team. Coulson didn't even let me shoot him."  
"Oh, poor baby, didn't get to fire his gun."  
"Compound bow."  
"What?"  
"I don't like guns as much, I prefer my bow."  
"You're an archer?"  
"Yeah. See?" He nudged a gear bag that was on the roof to his other side and Darcy noticed the arrowheads sticking out of the end of it for the first time.  
"Huh. I prefer my taser."  
"I heard about that - you've become a bit of a legend among the security team ever since word got out that a college student with a street-legal device took out the guy that knocked half of them to the floor like bowling pins."  
"I like the sound of that." Darcy had to admit that she was chuffed - she'd seen the guys that had been guarding the compound and most of them looked ex-military, all at least six feet tall and most of them almost as wide as Thor himself had been. Barton and Coulson seemed to be exceptions to the rule - Clint wasn't exactly towering, and though his biceps were stunning, they weren't so overdeveloped as to look cartoonish, unlike some of the thugs hanging around the gas station lately. Coulson had more of an understated aura of danger around him - like beneath the suit there was a truly badass guy who could take out just about anyone if the situation called for it.  
"So, why are you up on the roof?" Clint asked after a few moments of comfortable silence.  
"Because Jane is arguing with some of the SHIELD scientists about their equations and I'm sick of feeling useless. I wanted to get away."  
"Useless?"  
"Until last week I was the only person with her, before Dr Selvig came out to see us. Then Thor happened and all of a sudden she's got fifteen other people who are way more qualified than me clamouring to help with all the science stuff, the stuff I don't understand."  
"So, why are you still here?"  
"Because I've got another month to go before my internship is over, and if I don't finish it, I won't get my degree and then the last four years of my life will have been for nothing."  
"What kind of degree?"  
"Political Science."  
"So, you're in the middle of the New Mexico desert helping an astrophysicist track unusual solar activities, why?"  
"Because I needed six science credits, Jane was looking for an assistant, I'd never been to this part of the country and I was the only applicant."  
"Oh."  
"Yeah." Silence fell between them again and Darcy stared at her feet, then at Clint's feet, for a few minutes. Eventually, he took a deep breath and got to his feet.  
"Well, neither of us is any use here. I'm telling Phil-Agent Coulson, that we're taking the night off. Where's the nearest bar?"

After that, they'd become friends pretty fast. Clint had won them free drinks with his proficiency at darts and Darcy had embarrassed a few frat boys with her skills at pool. Clint had kept the frat-boys at bay when they got too handsy with his co-conspirator. It hadn't taken Darcy long to realise that, cute as he was, Barton was well and truly spoken for. He never made any moves, was never anything but a perfect gentleman, and Darcy found that she liked having a platonic male friend around, especially one who would lift her into a fireman's carry and lug her about when she got annoying, or too drunk, or he simply wanted her to move out of his chair. They hung out on the rooftop a lot, talked a lot, and Darcy bit her tongue a lot to stop herself from asking any more about his partner, a person who was referred to in the abstract, on the rare occasion that Clint was semi-hammered and somewhat responsive to not-so-pointed questions.

So when he spotted her coming onto the range between Tony Stark and Phil Coulson, he didn't bother restraining himself. He didn't care what Tony thought of him, and he'd known Phil since his first day at SHIELD, so he literally ran up the hall and picked Darcy up without a word, slinging her over his shoulder and turned, walking back towards the entrance to the range as if nothing had happened, letting out a (manly) shriek when Darcy smacked his ass and setting her back on her feet before giving her a proper hug.

"You're here to learn how to fire something other than a taser?"  
"Yes. I'm Agent Coulson's new personal assistant."  
"Okay, you're definitely going to need something stronger than the taser, then. Shall we begin with a Beretta?"


	4. Who do you work for?

"You know, Barton, I was born in Texas. Lived there until I was sixteen." Darcy mentioned, keeping her tone light on purpose.  
"Really?"  
"Really."  
Clint stepped back, resting his weight on one leg and tilting his head, considering Darcy as if for the first time.  
"What part of Texas?"  
"That would be telling. And don't act like SHIELD hasn't got every piece of information available on me hidden away in some file that you've no doubt read."  
"Fine, fine. So, you're telling me that you know how to handle a weapon?"  
"Fired my first shotgun when I was eight. You mentioned a Beretta?" Darcy had picked up the safety goggles and slid them on, followed by a set of earmuffs. Behind her, Tony and Phil followed suit, though truthfully neither of them expected many shots to be fired today. The standard induction for firearms was at least three sessions - until a trainee could break down and reassemble the entire weapon in a certain timeframe, they weren’t even allowed to aim it at the targets.  
"A 92 A1 is the preferred field sidearm for most SHIELD agents. Ever used one?" Clint picked up the sleek black pistol from where it had been resting on the bench beside them, popping the magazine and disassembling it in a matter of seconds, laying the pieces back out in front of his newest student.

Darcy raised an eyebrow at him and Clint's mouth quirked, he was smirking at her.

She was never one to back down from a challenge.

Darcy had the Beretta reassembled and cocked, her left hand cradling her right, aiming at the target forty meters away in just slightly more time than it had taken Clint to break the handgun down in the first place.

"Huh." That eloquent gem came from behind her and to the left, out of the mouth of Tony Stark. Suddenly, Clint was tugging his own earmuffs into place, watching her right index finger curl beneath the trigger guard.  
"Exactly. Don't piss me off." Darcy told him, and punctuated the sentence with three quick shots at the target - two in the '10' ring and one in the '8'.  
"Yeah. That." Tony breathed, apparently he was revising his opinion of Darcy Lewis rather dramatically.  
"I think we might move on, Miss Lewis. Thanks, Barton, I can take her from here." Phil announced, taking his earmuffs off and putting them back onto the table behind him.

Clint still hadn't spoken, his mouth was hanging slightly open and his eyes were wide, staring at Darcy like she'd just grown a second head. She just grinned at him and removed the magazine, broke the pistol down and left the pieces where he had put them in the first place, spread out on the bench facing the range.

"See you later, Clint!" She waved at him from the exit door and he made a vague sort of waving gesture in her direction, still apparently not recovered.

..  
..  
..  
..  
..

"I'm going to have to apologize to Agent Barton, aren't I?" Darcy asked Agent Coulson as they crowded back into the elevator with Tony, who was grinning fit to split his face.  
"Apologize? No, he'll apologize to you later for underestimating your abilities. Then he'll probably take you out for drinks and talk weapons until you're calling me to rescue you from some seedy bar in Queens when he starts singing karaoke."  
"Clint does karaoke?" Tony asked, leaning over Darcy’s shoulder to insert himself into the conversation.  
"I'm not at liberty to discuss it any further." Coulson told him, and remained silent for the rest of the ascent.

The elevator doors opened to what was apparently the 54th floor, and Darcy had opened her mouth to ask what they were doing on this level, when JARVIS interrupted.  
"Sir, Agent Barton would like you to know that Miss Lewis' cell phone has arrived at the shooting range, and he's bringing it up to you now."  
“Thanks, JARVIS. Can you put a call in to Agent Romanoff? Ask her if she’s free for a few hand-to-hand lessons with Miss Lewis sometime this week.”

“Miss Romanoff is currently on assignment, but she will be returning on Wednesday.”

“Oh, okay, then. Looks like you’ve got a whole week to get your fitness up before Natasha can run you through her drills.” Tony told her, walking ahead of them through the open-plan, deserted, office space.

They emerged in a large office at one corner of the building, two walls made up entirely of floor-to-ceiling windows punctuated by support beams.

“This is your office, Mr Stark.” Agent Coulson commented, as if he hadn’t known exactly where they were the moment the elevator had stopped on this level.  
“Yes, it is. Darcy, this is the last of your paperwork, if you sign here, you’ll officially be an employee of Stark Industries.”  
“Okay.”  
“What?”  
Darcy and Phil both spoke at once, and before Darcy could follow Tony over to his desk and sign her life away, a firm hand caught her by the elbow.  
“What do you mean, Stark Industries?” Phil hissed, his other hand clenching into a fist as his fingers slid around Darcy’s arm and pulled her back against him.  
“I mean, you want a new assistant, you work in my building, my company employs her. Plus, Stark pays better than SHIELD, not to mention the dental plans-”

“Darcy will be working for me, Stark, not you. She’s to be employed by SHIELD and answering to myself and Director Fury, not to you!”  
Darcy turned her head slightly to catch a glimpse of Phil’s face - his eyebrows were drawn together and he looked positively homicidal. She sincerely hoped to never be on the receiving end of that glare, and also noted that although the hand on her arm was gentle, just holding her in place, the knuckles of his other hand were going white.  
“Coulson, if you wait for the SHIELD pencil pushers to sort their shit out you’ll be without an assistant until Thanksgiving. If you allow me to employ Miss Lewis and then assign her to you as part of my consultancy with SHIELD you can have her this afternoon.”

Phil’s hand didn’t leave Darcy’s arm, not straight away. He seemed to be biting the inside of his cheek, and his nostrils flared momentarily before he released her with a sharp nod.  
“But understand me clearly, Anthony.” Tony winced at the use of his full name, but didn’t break eye contact with Phil. “Darcy works for me. You are not to interfere in any way shape or form, no side-assignments, no inquiries about any activities she undertakes in her role as my assistant.”

“Understood. Darcy? Care to join the Stark family business?”

With one last glance at Phil to make sure that it was all okay, Darcy waited until his expression cleared and he nodded at her, gesturing towards Tony at his desk before she stepped over and pressed her thumb to the imprint panel, and signed her name on the dotted line.  
“We have a dress code here at Stark Industries, Miss Lewis. See that you’re properly attired by the time you’re next on site.” Out of nowhere, Tony produced a card that looked suspiciously like a Black Amex and held it out to his newest employee.  
“Just don’t go too crazy, okay? Only one pair of Louboutins.”  
“What?”  
“They’re the shoes that Pepper wears, apparently the last ones I bought her were about a thousand dollars worth. Something about making her life hell and needing an outlet.”  
“I think I can make do-”

“Hey, that’s an idea. Phil, do you need Darcy this afternoon?”  
“Well, she won’t have IT access yet, and her security clearance won’t be upgraded, yet-”

“Great. JARVIS!”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Call Happy, tell him to bring the Audi around, I’m taking Darcy shopping.”

“Sir, you have a meeting this afternoon with the Board of Directors.”

“Isn’t Pepper going to that?”

“Miss Potts has requested you put in an appearance.”

“What time?”

“Four PM. It’s currently eleven-seventeen AM.”

“Five hours... I can be back. Let’s go!”

“Hang on, Stark, Darcy needs to get a security pass-”

“She’ll be living at the house, Phil. I’m pretty sure someone can be with her in the morning who will have a high enough clearance level to get her inside. Go run the planet, we’re getting Darcy some new clothes.”

Before Phil (or Darcy) could object any further, Tony placed a hand on the small of Darcy’s back and was guiding her back through the empty office space, into an elevator.

“So, I’ll see you in the morning?” Darcy called over her shoulder in the general direction of Agent Coulson.  
“Tonight, actually, dinner at the house. Just have him back here by three thirty, if you can.”

“I’ll do my best, sir!”

The elevator doors closed just as Darcy turned around, in time to see Phil running a hand through his hair, exasperated but sort-of smiling.

“You’re taking me shopping.” She said to Tony, deadpan.

“Yes, Miss Lewis, I am taking you shopping.”

“Why?” She narrowed her eyes at him, and he deliberately avoided her gaze. Her suspicions about an ulterior motive deepened.

“Because you’re going to be working for me, and Stark Industries has a certain image to maintain.”

“You’re avoiding something.” She told him, and the shoulder closest to her slumped slightly, before he turned to face her properly, smiling.

“Yes. I am avoiding Pepper on purpose. I guess you heard about my fuck-up?”

“Which one? Miss January or the cover of Sports Illustrated?”

“Both, I suppose. Pepper’s been totally professional about it all, saying things like ‘never really defined our relationship’ and ‘can’t expect you to change all at once’, but I know she’s pissed off. So I’m trying to spend as much time as I can away from the office, let her do her job and stick to SHIELD assignments while she runs Stark, she is CEO, after all.”

Darcy took a moment to digest this, considering that she was probably one of the few people on the planet who was privy to this information - Rhodey was probably the other - but didn’t dwell on it. Being friends with Tony Stark was not a stupid thing to do, especially as he was not only her boss but one of her housemates, so she just nodded.

“Sounds like a solid plan - it’s not like you can just cut her out of your life, she does run your company, after all. But if you give her space, I mean, she’s known you how many years?” Darcy wasn’t unfamiliar with the Stark story - being a Political Science major hadn’t stopped her from reading gossip mags - the family had been involved in weapons manufacturing since before the Second World War, you couldn’t study anything at college without the Starks coming up in some capacity.

“I hope it works. She’s forgiven me for a lot in the past, but this might take her a while.”

“You know she loves you no matter what you do, right?”

The corner of Tony’s mouth jerked up slightly at that, but he didn’t reply. The elevator reached the ground floor and he stepped aside for Darcy to get out ahead of him, maintaining the gentleman act all the way to the front door, where it was taken over by his driver, standing next to a white convertible, holding out a set of keys.

“You asked for the Audi, sir?”

“Thanks, I can take it from here.” Tony told his driver, sliding in behind the steering wheel and motioning for Darcy to get in.

“Call me if you need me.”

Darcy got into the car, the second plush leather seat in as many hours, and had barely buckled her seatbelt when the car took off with a screech of tires.


	5. Good Gossip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy begins to regret agreeing to Tony taking her shopping when they encounter a problem at Bloomingdales, and Tony's solution is less than elegant.
> 
> Pepper may well kill him, if Coulson doesn't do it first.

"So, where are you taking me to get these 'work appropriate' clothes?"  
"No idea. Where do you usually shop?"  
"Thrift stores."  
"What?" Tony's head jerked around at that, as if she'd just uttered some filthy curse word.  
"I'm a poor grad student, Stark, not a billionaire playboy with my own Fortune 500 company, I have a clothing budget."  
"Clothing budget?" Tony asked, as if she were speaking Swahili.  
"Yes, you know, a limit on how much money I could spend on clothing at one time?"  
"I know what a budget is, Darcy, but it makes me sad to think that a woman ever has to limit what she can spend on clothes."  
"Don't be sad, you can get some fantastic vintage clothes at consignment and thrift stores, I've got a vintage Dior shift dress that I only paid eighty bucks for."  
"That's... good?"  
"Considering that I did some online research after I'd taken it home and had it dry-cleaned and found out that the same piece was going for upwards of two grand on eBay, yeah, I'd say it's good."  
"Huh." Tony's attention was sort of back on the road, but he was really driving on autopilot. He'd grown up in New York, insisted on driving in the city even when everyone else took cabs or the subway, so he knew the traffic snarls and the best places to park.  
"So, you still didn't' answer my question. Where are we going to get me these 'work appropriate' clothes you speak of?"  
"Give me a minute. Dial Pepper." Tony said, the timbre of his voice changing subtly to that of a command, and the radio volume lowered as a number was dialled. The phone only rang twice before Pepper answered.  
"What are you doing, Tony? You've got a board meeting this afternoon, and you're in the car?"  
"I'm taking Darcy shopping. Where do you buy your clothes?"  
"Who the hell is Darcy?"  
"Coulson's new assistant, Stark International's newest employee, you'll have an e-mail about her somewhere. Where do we go to get her some clothes that will survive her being Coulson's sidekick?"

Darcy was certain that she heard Pepper mutter something entirely uncomplimentary under her breath before she answered.

"Go to Bloomingdales, you can get everything she'll need there, but make sure you get her some Kevlar, too. You'll have to speak to someone at SHIELD about the vest-"  
"Bloomingdales, got it. Thanks Pep!"  
"Don't forget the board-" But Tony cut her off with a thumb on the 'end call' button and grinned at Darcy.  
"So, Bloomingdales? Where is that, anyway?"  
Darcy rolled her eyes and began to tap at the GPS unit embedded in the dash, bringing up the quickest route to 59th and Lexington in a matter of seconds, and Tony shot her another grin.  
"Damn, between you and Phil you'll have the entire Initiative running like clockwork inside a week." He took the next right and turned the radio back up, according to the GPS they had a fifteen minute journey ahead of them.

 

Of course, as soon as the Bloomingdales staff realised exactly who it was that had just blown into the Womenswear section, they were practically mobbed, until one of the higher-ups apparently took charge, approaching Tony with a raised eyebrow and a look reminiscent of Pepper.  
"Miss Potts just called, Mr Stark, to advise that you have a new member of staff who requires outfitting?" she asked, and there was genuine amusement in her voice. Darcy decided that she liked this woman, especially as the rest of the staff had dispersed as she'd approached.  
"Yeah, Darcy needs to be field ready by tomorrow. You can help?"  
"I've been Miss Potts personal shopper since before she worked for you, Mr Stark, I'm certain we can help. Miss Lewis, was it?" She turned slightly, subtly cutting Tony out of the conversation, and her entire focus was directed at Darcy.

It was a little like being under a microscope, but not entirely uncomfortable. Darcy got the impression that the woman knew her measurements already and would be able to create an entire wardrobe for her without even breaking a sweat.

"Yes, I'm Darcy." she held out a hand and the Bloomingdales woman shook it.  
"Marnie Grey. Okay, Mr Stark, if you would care to take a seat, can we get you anything?"  
"Scotch."  
"And you, Miss Lewis?"  
"Uh-"  
"She'll have a vodka and tonic water." Tony told Marnie, who just nodded and signalled to one of the hovering juniors, who took off without further prompting.  
"Alright, Darcy. Any requests before I toss you into a dressing room?"  
"Anything but black, Phil told me that he likes to subvert stereotypes."  
"Perfect. You're what, about an eight?"  
"On a good day."  
"Ten it is, and we'll get everything tailored. Come with me. You'll need shoes, too?"  
"Probably, I've only got these and two pairs of heels."she kicked her boot out to show Marnie what she was wearing, and Marnie seemed to take in her entire outfit for the first time.  
"No black there, either?"  
"And nothing too high, I have to be able to run."  
"No skirts?"  
"Only if I can jump a fence in them without flashing everyone." Tony spluttered a little at that from his position on the black leather couch nearby.  
"Tell you what, why don't we leave him here and start from the beginning - it's all well and good to get you into great suits but without a decent bra it'll all be so much sackcloth. Do you need anything else before we go, Mr Stark?"  
"No, no, it's fine. I'll just be here..." Tony's eyes were roving around the floor, and she could already see a few fans starting to circle - she knew that the minute Tony was alone the Iron Man fanatics would descend and he'd be more than entertained until they got back.  
"He'll be fine, just don't let him leave without me."

Darcy was already beginning to feel like Phil had delegated some of his duties to her - here she was, babysitting Tony Stark, she was certain that Clint had mentioned Phil complaining about that particular aspect of his job once or twice.

>>  
>>>  
>>>>  
>>>>>

Almost an hour later, she was led back to Womenswear by Marnie, to find Tony sprawled on the couch, a blonde either side of him, chatting animatedly until he spotted them, at which point he jumped to his feet and practically ran over.  
"Save me from the bobble-heads!" he hissed as he hugged Darcy to him, his mouth against her ear.  
"Dammit, Tony-"  
"Please? Everyone knows I'm single and they're almost drooling on me, it's not even fun anymore!"  
"What do you want me to do, Tony?" she asked, almost automatically.  
He drew back and looked at her, going for puppy-dog eyes but not quite able to pull it off, even as he shuffled closer to her, tilting his head to one side.  
"No, no! No, no, no I am not pretending to be your girlfriend, you're old enough to be my dad!" 

That was completely the wrong thing to say to Tony Stark, and the second it left her mouth, Darcy regretted it.

"Dammit, not that either!"  
"But your personnel file has the 'father' tab left blank!"  
"It also says that my mother died three years ago, and that I was born in Texas! You are not pretending to be my dad!"  
"Why not?"  
"Because-"  
"Because why? Hey, for all you know, I could be!"  
"Tony, no-"

The entire conversation had taken place while Tony had one arm slung around Darcy's shoulders, and Marnie was a respectful five feet away, too far to hear their whispers. But now, Tony raised his voice.

"Have you girls met my Darcy?" he asked, turning to face the couch, still hugging Darcy's shoulders and the blondes got to their feet, uncertain, the taller one casting a vicious glare at Darcy, as if Darcy's presence was an insult in and of itself.  
"No, who is she?" the shorter one asked, looking from Tony to Darcy with a somewhat vacant smile. Darcy suddenly understood Tony's desperation to get away from the two of them.  
"Darcy is my daughter, we've only recently reconnected." 

Dammit. 

Oh, well. Damage was done, now. Tony had spoken loudly enough that the few fan-girls still hanging around had heard it, and Darcy could see at least four of them typing away madly on their cell phones. Brilliant. This was going to be all over Twitter in a matter of minutes, and that meant that Pepper was going to hear about it within half an hour. 

Darcy was going to be fired before she'd even gotten her ID badge.

"Your daughter?" suddenly the taller one had no idea what to do, torn between incredulity and shock. Thankfully, Marnie swooped in.  
"Yes, and Mr Stark is currently trying to take her shopping, so if you would kindly step back so that they can have a little privacy?" Marnie was very good at her job, sort of shepherding the blondes away, but she wasn't quick enough to stop one of the others who was hovering from taking a picture with her cell phone. She did, however, seem to realise that damage control was necessary, so called to a couple of staff members as she stood between Tony, Darcy and the slowly advancing crowd.

"Can we get this floor cleared for the next hour? Thanks." She didn't even wait for her request to be acknowledged, just turned, caught Tony by the elbow and led him away towards the dressing rooms, still clutching Darcy to his side.


	6. Trending Topic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a trending topic on Twitter isn't nearly as glamorous as one might hope.

Being a trending topic on Twitter wasn't nearly as cool as Darcy thought it might be. Sure, her cell was going bananas with all of the notifications (so, at least a few of her friends from college had caught wind of what was happening) and Tony's cell had started to light up not thirty seconds after Marnie had taken them into the private space of the dressing rooms.

"Pepper is going to kill you, you know that, right?" Darcy asked Tony as he glanced at the face of his phone before turning the ringer off.  
"Pepper has threatened to kill me seven times this week, I'm just trying to keep my average up."  
"Right."  
"Anyway, Miss Lewis, Mr Stark, we have a selection of options for work-wear that will be suitable for Miss Lewis-"  
"Send the whole lot to the Tower; we've got a team that can take care of the rest. Besides, there are a few adjustments that will have to be made before anything actually gets worn in the field. We need to make a move, Darce, my other cell phone just started ringing." He was palming at the inside pocket of his jacket, and pulled out a sleek black communicator that looked even more futuristic than the piece-of-glass cell he'd turned to silent after Twitter had exploded.  
"Oh, crap. Marnie, you can send everything over, right?" Darcy may not have seen that particular phone before, but if Tony Stark said it was important, you kind of listened to the guy. She hoped that Marnie had kept track of what was being held for her in underwear and shoes, but if the woman was a personal shopper for Pepper Potts then Darcy's wardrobe was certainly in capable hands.  
"Sure thing, Miss Lewis. I can also arrange for you to be met at the elevators and security can escort you to the car."  
"Great, let's move." Tony told her, holding the cell to his ear as they crossed the now-deserted Womenswear department and stepped into the elevator.

"What? Oh, come on, Steve! Seriously? You're using the Avengers line because I didn't answer my cell phone?"

Darcy decided to distract herself by reading the text messages on her phone while Tony argued with Steve over what constituted 'responsible use' of the high-tech and high-security lines of communication between the Avengers and their support team. She heard her own name being shouted by Steve, too, and realised that someone must have taught him about Twitter at some point. Either that or SHIELD had better news feeds than she'd thought.

Fifty-six new text messages.  
Ding!  
Fifty-seven new text messages.

Opening the folder, Darcy scrolled down the list and wasn't surprised to see a lot of messages from unfamiliar numbers, but the fact that there were three from Agent Coulson (his number was listed as Secret Agent Phil) made her eyes widen. Phil didn't like texting, he had told her as much not three hours earlier, so clearly this was bigger than Tony claiming her as his illegitimate daughter.

\--Message from Secret Agent Phil [sent 12:04]--  
Darcy, would you please report to Stark Tower at your earliest convenience? Please bring Mr Stark with you.

\--Message from Secret Agent Phil [sent 12:08]--  
Clint informs me that you are trending on Twitter or something. Get Stark back here.

\--Message from Secret Agent Phil [sent 12:12]--  
You have three minutes to reply or I'm calling Steve.

It was now 12:14, according to Darcy's phone, so she hit the icon for Phil's number and listened for the dial tone.

"Darcy?"  
"Yes, Agent Coulson?"  
"You've got Stark?"  
"Yes, sir. Captain Rogers is currently tearing him a new one."  
"What?"  
"Steve called him on the super-secret Avengers line and is shouting at him. I can hear it from the other side of the elevator."  
"What?"   
Darcy knew better than to repeat herself, Phil was just filling empty space so that he could think.  
"Right. Did you tell Steve about Twitter?" Apparently Phil was talking to someone else, his voice slightly muffled, as if he'd turned his face away from his phone. Darcy heard a rough laugh and recognised Clint Barton's voice.  
"Clint taught Steve Twitter, didn't he?"  
"Apparently. Look, are you two on your way back here, yet?"  
"Pepper's going to kill him!" Clint called in the background and Darcy smiled.  
"Yes, we're in the elevator, apparently security will be waiting for us to take us to the car."  
"Good, just get back here as quickly as you can, we need to go into damage control."  
"Shall do, boss-man."

"That was Coulson, wasn't it?" Tony asked as Darcy returned her cell phone to her pocket. He'd ended his own conversation with Steve while she'd been talking to Phil.  
"Yep."  
"He wants us back at the Tower, doesn't he?"  
"Of course."  
"Pepper's going to kill me."  
"Likely."

Tony fell silent.

"How much grovelling is it going to take to get out of this?"  
"You might have to legally adopt me. Or start an endowment for poor college students to have decent clothes."  
"Huh."

He considered that for a moment, cocking his head to the side.

"You know, I could actually do that, if you'd like."  
"Do which?"  
"Adopt you."  
"Tony..."  
"Yeah, I know. Bad impulse control. Steve just read me the riot act. I'm working on it, okay?"  
"You're going to have to hold a press conference, aren't you?"  
"Do you want me to tell the world that it's just a misunderstanding?"  
"Why do you care what I think?" Darcy was thrown by this sudden concern for her opinion. This was Tony Stark, since when did he care what people thought?  
"Because this affects you, too. If I tell the world that I lied, it won't look good, and there'll be speculation as to what I was doing taking you shopping in the first place. If I just tell them to go screw themselves, well, that'll just feed the beasts and we'll have paparazzi crawling all over us. But if you're suddenly Darcy Lewis-Stark and I have a legal heir, well, it creates a lot of little problems but it also solves a few big ones."

Darcy had just opened her mouth to ask 'what kind of problems?' when the elevator reached the ground floor.

"Here we go. Have you got sunglasses?" he asked, pulling his own aviators out of his jacket pocket.  
"Yeah, why?"  
"Because it's going to be a frenzy and you won't be able to see for the flashbulbs. Get 'em on and I'll get you into the car."  
"Okay." She pulled her ancient Ray-Bans out of her purse and put them on, then Tony looped an arm protectively around her shoulders and the elevator doors opened.

It wasn't too bad, actually. Tony seemed to forget that the rest of the world didn't have access to instant information overload like he did, but there were a few opportunistic photographers who had obviously been in the area. There were perhaps twenty-five of them, but the second they recognised Stark they went bananas, and Tony was right - even with the sunglasses, she could barely see for the flashes. He kept her tucked tight against his side and they were shepherded to the Audi by two burly security guards, one of whom then held back the 'members of the press' who were trying to get in front of the vehicle and photograph them through the windscreen.

Tony smiled his 'press day' smile at them and hit the gas, taking them straight onto Madison with barely a squeak of the tires, heading back towards Stark Tower with efficiency borne of a lifetime in the city. 

"Yeah, Pepper's not going to be happy." Darcy commented when they were two blocks away, still being pursued by paparazzi on motorcycles. 

Tony just hit the control to bring the top of the Audi back up, and wound the tinted windows up.

"I'm calling a press conference, and I'm legally adopting you." He told her, nodding just once as if to affirm that his mind was made up.  
"Tony, you don't have to-"  
"Yeah, I do. Because if I don't your life will be a living hell. Besides, you could do worse than me in a father. Not much worse, I'll grant you, I mean, it could be Barton-"  
"He's eleven years older than me, Tony."  
"He's that young? Oh well. Anyway, you could do worse, and I like you. You don't seem to take any of my crap."  
"Pepper's right."  
"About what?"  
"You have the worst impulse control of any man I have ever met."  
"Yeah, but I've also got the dollars to back it up. See, when you're rich, you're not crazy. You're eccentric. And if you happen to be a genius on top of that, then you're a visionary."  
"Claiming to be the father I never knew makes you a visionary?"  
"Announcing to the world at large that I have an heir makes me a visionary. It also means that I'm really glad you work for Stark Industries and not SHIELD."  
"Phil is still my boss, Tony."  
"Yeah, I know. But this way I can claim a certain number of your hours as Stark Time."  
"I'm not even going to ask what that is because I'm terrified of the answer. Can we just listen to some music before Phil and Pepper take turns to kill and resuscitate you until they're satisfied that you've been punished?"  
"AC/DC?"  
"Make it something vintage."

>>  
>>>  
>>>>  
>>>>>

Tony's parking space at the Tower was, of course, barely inside the entrance and right next to the elevator.

Pepper was waiting for them on the 54th floor, as were a few other people. Steve, Phil, Clint. Oh, and someone had apparently called Jane, because she and Thor were sitting on a couch behind the rest of the disapproving faces. 

The first thing that happened was not, as Darcy had expected, Pepper slapping Tony. In fact, it was Clint, stepping over and catching her by the elbow, his hand gentle but not to be argued with. He handed her a cell phone and drew her away, leading her down a hallway as the shouting started. 

Thor and Jane followed them as Clint pushed Darcy into an empty office and Thor closed the door, somewhat muting the yelling coming from the reception area of the still-deserted office space.

"Well, hi, Clint, Jane, Thor. How has your day been?"

Clint just gave her a look, and before she could stop him, he'd wrapped her in his arms and was hugging her tight enough that she could barely breathe.

"You have made my _year!_ "  
"What?"  
"Tony Stark is your _dad?_ This is just the best thing to happen, ever. Like, seriously, ever."  
Darcy considered for a brief moment that she might have to correct him, but stopped herself. Perhaps she should consult with Tony before she let anyone else in on the true story.  
"Why is it the best thing ever?"  
"Because it just is! I mean, this means he's human! And it means that he'll have to stop with all the playboy bullshit because he's someone's _father/ _now and-"__  
"Clint, I don't really think it's going to change anything much."  
"Darcy, why didn't you tell me?" Jane spoke softly and Clint fell silent. Thor was holding Jane's hand and looking at her with big blue puppy-dog eyes, and she felt a massive pang of guilt. It must have shown on her face.  
"Well, Tony asked me not to tell anyone, just yet. He was planning on telling everyone tonight, at dinner, when I move into the mansion."  
"But according to Twitter-"  
"Since when is Twitter reliable?"

Jane conceded that point with a slight inclination of her head, and Thor seemed satisfied that this particular problem had been resolved.

"Darcy! You are the progeny of Stark, yes? But you did not know it?"  
"No, my mom never told me who my father was, and she died three years ago."  
"Then we must celebrate your discovery of your father, the feast tonight will be a celebration of many fine events, of you and Stark discovering that you are kin, and of your permanent residence with the rest of us at Stark House!"  
"Sounds like a plan, thunder-man." Clint told him, clapping Thor on the shoulder.  
"Is it just me, or has the shouting died down a little?" Darcy asked, leaning towards the door.

It seemed that it had.

"We should go make sure that Pepper hasn't actually killed him."  
"Or Phil. Seriously, I thought his eyes were going to fall out of his head when the notification popped up on his computer, and then when you didn't reply to his texts, well, let's just say he's got a few new stress marks around his mouth." Clint informed Darcy, moving to open the door and poke his head out.

"Can we come back, now?" he called, and Darcy heard someone call back with what must have been an all-clear, because Clint gestured that the others could leave the room.

There were no visible marks, but Tony certainly looked like a man who had been beaten up.

Darcy didn't even think to censor her actions, she just went over to him and when he spotted her he lifted his chin a little, smiled and held his arms open for a hug. She had a sudden, fierce, protective urge towards him, and everyone else seemed to recognise that. Especially Tony, because he didn't appear to be letting her go, using her as a human shield between him and the still-disapproving Pepper, Steve and Phil.

"This is still going to be a problem." Phil muttered, and Darcy decided to ignore him in favour of soothing Tony, who was either laughing or sobbing, possibly both, his shoulders were shaking and she couldn't see his face.  
"Fury is going to want to kill him." Pepper agreed.   
"But it's better than the thing with the Quinjet last month, at least this won't endanger civilians." Steve put in. Darcy still had a Tony attached to her, his face buried in her shoulder, so she couldn't see what they were doing, but from Steve's tone it seemed that he, at least, was willing to forgive Tony for this particular indiscretion.  
"Says who? There's going to be some serious fallout because nobody ever expected Tony to acknowledge that he has any heirs, half of the board of directors is going to threaten to quit, they're going to want a DNA test before they even acknowledge that Darcy exists-"

Pepper was cut off from her diatribe by Tony suddenly snapping his head up.

"DNA test is already done, Pep. The results are attached to Darcy's personnel file. And I'm not even in charge of Stark any more, you are. CEO and everything, remember? The board shouldn't have anything to worry about."

Pepper's mouth was slightly open, for a few seconds she seemed dumbstruck, but then she regained some of her control and went to speak.

"The DNA test is already done?" it was actually Coulson who asked the question, and Darcy knew in that instant that, although everyone else seemed to be accepting of her sudden appointment as heir-apparent to the Stark family name, Phil would be the one to convince.

"It happened automatically, Coulson. Every employee gets a full scan done, biometrics, blood tests, the works. When Darcy's results popped with a familial link to an existing staff member I was notified. I'm either her father or her half-brother, and I'm pretty sure that Howard wasn't that much of a womaniser." Tony told him, and Darcy herself almost believed it.

"Well, you're the one who's telling Fury. Personally." Coulson informed him, then he turned slightly and caught Clint's eye, jerked his head towards the elevator and the pair of them headed for the exit.

"I should probably go with them, I need to find out where my office is." Darcy told Tony, who just nodded and released her, but not before grasping her hand and squeezing it, just once.  
"I'll send you a text, if I don't see you before dinner."  
"It will not be an ordinary dinner, Stark! It is going to be a feast of legendary proportions! We have many reasons to celebrate!" Thor informed him, his booming voice in the quiet of the empty space making almost everyone (Phil being the exception) jump.  
"You know, I guess we do, big guy."  
"Are you coming, Miss Lewis?" Phil asked, holding the elevator door open for her. She scurried across the empty space and stood on Clint's other side, somewhat reassured by the quick smile that the archer gave her.

It was only about a twenty second journey from the 54th to the 75th floor, but it was in such a stony silence that it seemed to stretch for almost ten minutes.

Luckily for Darcy, Agent Coulson wasn't quite as much of a jerk as Tony Stark thought he was, and when he was back in his own office, a familiar space, with just Clint at Darcy for company, his shoulders relaxed and he almost smiled.

"Well, Darcy. Looks like we have an interesting dynamic to work with - I'm your boss, but your family owns the building."  
"Don't worry, boss-man, I won't let my Dad overrule you - you're in charge as long as I'm at SHIELD."  
"Good. Let's get you acquainted with the SHIELD IT systems."


	7. A Magnificent Feast

Phil was more than happy with just how quickly Darcy picked up the SHIELD/Stark systems, she had a knack with computers that Phil, heaven help him, found vaguely reminiscent of Stark.

That thought was extinguished before it was fully formed.

At around six PM, Darcy's phone started to go bananas. Not her personal phone, that one had been put onto silent mode and was just lighting up every few seconds with Twitter, Facebook and text message notifications, but was being steadfastly ignored by its' owner. No, this time it was the Stark-tech model that Clint had given her earlier that day.

"Gee, I wonder who has this number?" Darcy asked, smiling. She was set up at her own desk just outside Coulson's office (Clint had vanished back downstairs when Phil had threatened him with paperwork because he was hovering) and had spent the last couple of hours reorganising Agent Coulson's e-mail inbox, repairing his filters and going over his schedule for the next few days with a fine-toothed comb. 

It felt good to be back organising things and using technology for good rather than in an attempt to stave off boredom.

"Good evening, daughter mine."  
"Hi, Tony. What's up?"  
"It's ten past six."  
"No, it's five fifty-eight."  
"Okay, it's home time."  
"Not until six PM it isn't."  
"Hey, I own the building-"  
"And Agent Coulson is my boss. Not you. I finish at six PM, technically I shouldn't even be taking this call because it's a personal call and I'm at work."  
"You want me to make it about work, then? I need to talk to Phil and he's been ducking me all afternoon."  
"He's been talking to his London counterpart on SKYPE all afternoon, not ducking you."  
"Right, sure, you believe that."  
"I've got remote access to his desktop, Tony, I can see the picture-in-picture."  
"What? How did you do that?"  
"I back-traced his IP address and embedded a new protocol. How do you think? I asked if he'd mind and we've set up my secondary monitor to mirror his so that I can fix his e-mail and calendar issues while he talks to England."  
"You know, for a second there I thought you were serious about the back-trace."  
"Like I'd try that trash on Stark systems, I'm not on a death wish."  
"Good point. What the hell was the matter with his inbox?"  
"Oh, he had all these rules set up for when you guys send him stuff and none of them were working properly. So I've taken over his e-mail and he's only checking one folder from now on."  
"He gave you access to his e-mails?"  
"Hey, he said that I'm going to be his P.A., I might as well know everything."  
"Did he threaten to kill you?"  
"Uh, no. Why would Phil threaten to kill me?"  
"I mean, if you knew everything he knew."  
"No! But I am expected to maintain confidentiality and all that."  
"Hey, look! While we've been talking it's gone six o'clock. Get your butt down here, we've got a magnificent feast prepared."  
"Tony-"  
"Is that Stark?" Phil asked, stepping out of his office and locking the door behind him.  
Darcy looked up at him and attempted a wry smile, but felt like she couldn't quite pull it off.  
"Hand it over, Lewis."  
"Agent Coulson wants to talk to you, Tony."  
"No! No, don't hand me over to him!" Tony objected, and unfortunately for him, Phil heard every word.  
"Hello, Stark."

Darcy was certain that she detected petulance and more than a little bit of a pout in Tony's tone when he responded.  
"Hi, Coulson."  
"You wouldn't have been bothering my assistant, by any chance?"  
"No, not bothering her, just making sure that she knew she was expected to be home at a decent hour because Thor and I have been slaving over a hot stove all afternoon-"  
"And by 'Thor and I' I presume you mean 'Thor while I drank scotch and criticised'?"  
"Drambuie. Barton finished the scotch and you know it."  
"We'll be at the mansion in half an hour, try not to destroy the place before we get there."  
"Uh-huh. See you soon!"

>>  
>>>  
>>>>  
>>>>>

It was around midnight when Darcy finally got to see her actual bedroom, and even then it was because she was being carried there by Clint, Phil leading them through the house to the room Tony had arranged for her. 

The day itself and the four glasses of wine at Thor's feast were definitely catching up with her, she'd been sitting on the couch between Tony and Clint, listening to the conversations drifting around her, music playing in the background, when she started to list to one side, and Clint had noticed.  
"Hey, Darcy... Darcy? Tony, I think she's had enough."  
"What? It's only midnight!"  
"Yeah, and she's drooling on my shoulder."  
"Not drooling." Darcy objected, swallowing and patting at Clint's t-shirt to ensure that she hadn't, in fact, left anything there.  
"Yeah, but you were falling asleep. C'mon, junior."  
"Junior?" she asked, sitting up and attempting a glare, but not quite able to pull it off through the alcohol-haze.  
"You seriously haven't noticed everyone calling you Stark Junior all night?" Clint asked her, one eyebrow raised.  
"Oh, that's what they've been laughing about? I can deal with that. Better than some nicknames I've had. Hey, Tony, where's my room?"  
"Uh-" Tony had been talking to Bruce about something involving large numbers and had managed to drink about half the bottle of Drambuie up to this point.  
"It's okay, Stark, she's in our hallway." Phil put in, stepping around the coffee table, beer bottle in hand and his tie loosened, just the top button undone, but to Darcy he looked remarkably relaxed. Next thing he'd be wearing jeans.  
"My room is near yours?"  
"Yep, right across the hall, so you've got no excuse for being late."  
"You're going to wake me up if you need me?" Darcy asked, a little alarmed at just how involved her new job might be.  
"Hell no, I'll send him." Phil pointed at Clint and he beamed at her, his best, most winning smile, complete with a slight head tilt and an eyebrow waggle.  
"Oh, don't even, Barton, just take me to bed."  
Of course, the conversations chose that moment to lull, and the current track on the sound system ended, so Darcy spoke her sentence at a half-yell into empty air.   
"Oh! No! No! Just show me where my room is oh god I didn't mean it like that-" she felt her cheeks heating up as everyone laughed, even Clint, who was also looking a bit pink in the cheeks.  
"C'mon, Lewis, I'll happily take you to your bed." Before she could object he had scooped her up, one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders, and she found herself latching on automatically, wrapping one arm around his neck and gripping his shoulder with her other hand.  
"Where's my purse?" she asked, remembering that she had been carrying it when she'd arrived at the house earlier that evening.  
"Right here." Phil told her, plucking it from the hook next to her coat and dropping it into her lap. He turned and led the way up the stairs, two flights, to emerge in a wide corridor panelled with dark wood to head height and painted pale cream above that.  
"Most of the buildings like this, in Manhattan, are still individual apartments." Phil told Clint and Darcy, having fallen into step next to them.   
"Really?"  
"Really. Howard Stark bought the whole building just after World War Two and as the leases ended he just never renewed them. It's been maintained as a private residence since the sixties."  
"Cool."  
"And this is your residence, Miss Lewis." Phil told her with a flourish, well, as close to a flourish as Phil Coulson gets, which meant that he opened the door and inclined his head slightly.

Darcy was getting better at reading Agent Coulson, it was a gift of hers, picking up on little tells and subtle facial expressions, noticing small movements and the tics that other people often overlooked. And she could tell that the inclined head and the fact that he was opening the door were big gestures, coming from him.

Clint dropped her to her feet just inside the room and Darcy looked around, a little alarmed at first to see familiar things in the unfamiliar space, but she remembered Tony saying something about sending people to visit Queens for her and pick up her essentials. Her laptop was on the mahogany desk in the corner, the quilt her grandmother had sewn was laid atop the queen bed and the rolling suitcase she'd been living out of since New Mexico was sitting on a blanket box at the foot of it.

"Thanks, guys. What time do I need to be ready in the morning?"  
"Tomorrow is Friday, so I'll be leaving at eight, you can meet me in the kitchen."  
"Awesome. I will see you in the morning. Oh! Hang on, what about my new clothes?"  
"New clothes?" Clint looked confused, but Phil took over and stepped past him, opening first one door (the one that led to a bathroom) then the other (which revealed a half-full closet) either side of Darcy's new bed.  
"I believe Mr Stark has taken the liberty of having your new wardrobe pre-filled, Ms Lewis."  
"Oh, awesome. I'm going to hit the hay and hope I'm not too hungover in the morning."  
"Don't let him make you work too hard, junior!" Clint told her, as Phil brushed past him to get back into the hallway.  
"Should I just call you to distract him if he does?" she asked, and Clint grinned while Phil's brow furrowed a little, in confusion or taking offence, Darcy couldn't tell, but Clint laughed and closed her door before she could entirely decipher the look.

She turned and took in the space again, marvelling for a moment at her luck - this room and the attached bathroom and closet were almost as big as her aunt's entire apartment in Queens, except this was just her bedroom. There was a smallish flat-screen TV mounted on the wall, but she doubted she'd use it much, if she didn't watch the TV downstairs then she'd just do what she always did and watch her shows on the laptop - her Netflix subscription was still active after all. That, and she was certain that with her new job, the only time she'd actually have free to watch TV would be when she was in bed, and even that might be debatable.

She took both of her cell phones out of her pockets and dropped them onto the desk next to her computer, thought about booting it up but instead decided to take a shower and go straight to bed - she'd deal with the fallout from social media when she'd had less to drink and didn't have to get up in six and a half hours and go to her first real day of work for SHIELD.


End file.
